I Am The Only One

Last week was a hard time in my hometown where many folks including myself attended a funeral for a young local boy who had taken his own life. The whole scene was gut wrenching sad, with parents wondering what they could have done different, classmates and friends trying to understand the meaning of it all and everyone left to wonder what was so wrong in an otherwise happy life.

I don’t know the circumstances and don’t need to know to understand that we are all given choices in our lives and some of those are easier for some than others. What sets up suicide moments vary somewhat, largely though the core reason is the same…insecurity in one form or another.

In every day life, we are compared to others, measured by their successes and scored accordingly. We never seem to be judged by our own merits and certainly not without strings attached. People who do not even know who we are judge us and often unmercifully especially if we show vulernability. Even physicians do NOT hold mental anguish and pain in the same light as physical pain. For an adult, the day-to-day bombardment of judgment is handled because we simply deal with it or become callused to it in most cases. As a teen though, every part of our being is sensitive to how we measure up against our peers and most often, the very things that affect us emotionally cloud the lens we look through.

I was and sometimes still am one of the most insecure people I know. Most of us feel that way, but few will let on that they are. In fact the bully’s and brutes around us are the absolute most insecure. They run people down only to build themselves up. They appear so strong but can’t muscle past their own conscious that knocks them around on the inside.

At one time or another, we are fooled into believing that we must be “perfect”. Whatever that is? Achilles was a grand “mortal” in Greek mythology, athletic, strong and fit to lead a charge into any battle. So his family decided he should live indefinitely, and he was held by his heel and dipped in The River Styx and became immortal. But alas, the heel they held him by was left without the anointing waters so he died in war by an arrow to his heel. We all have our Achilles heel, a soft spot, perhaps an empty spot where our insecurities are hidden and we are most vulnerable. The problems we face are real, but they are usually passing right on through on our journey in life, but sometimes we choose to grab them and hold onto them for the sake of familiarity. I suppose even a wet blanket makes us feel more comfortable than no blanket at all.

Most of us think that we are the only one that does not fit in. We are not pretty enough, or popular enough. Some like myself came by that honestly enough because I was always compared to an older brother and later to other kids my age. Seemed like they could do no wrong and I was doing everything wrong it seemed to me. I got pretty down on myself and wanted nothing more than to run away. Where I was going I had no idea, but it seemed it would solve things at the time. Self-identity takes everyone time to establish and there is plenty along the way to alter our paths.

A kid needs room to think, imagine and take a look at themselves from the inside. We are keeping them busy enough with activities and that is certainly part of well rounded youth, but there is a quiet part too where we need to go and sometimes that needs to be heard; the soft spot of that heel. There is a secret room inside all of us, a place where we go when we need a break, or need to think things through and often enough life allows no time for that. We must make the time to reach for our deepest thoughts and bring them into the light and help others to understand that it is OK to reach out.

There is no reason for blame in any of the situation we find ourselves as we have no idea what goes on in those interior rooms that others keep. Inadequacy is not something any of us can see from the outside looking in, but we can encourage growth in people around us that will displace feelings of failure. In our day to day lives the people we interact with might pick up their self esteem just by throwing them a smile or giving a quick hug; it works wonders for me.

This town will heal as will the families involved, but it will be hard. We need to pass out the hugs not just at the point of grief, but every day of every year and just maybe it will be at the right time to save another from their Achilles heel wounds.